Okay, so the story usually goes like this..
You get engaged at a marvelous romantic spot, you go venue
hunting some place far from the city, set a date, have an engagement party,
organise this huge colour coordinated event that will usually be on a Saturday.
You usually contemplate about what will WOW the 150-250 guests and what incredible
food you will serve. Because as the saying goes, a great wedding is linked to
awesome food and free alcohol.
Our story is a little bit different. We got engaged on the 24nd November 2011 in front of my mother’s
front door approximately 3:00 the morning. We got married on the 1st
September 2014, yes it was on a Monday, organised it in 2 months and decided to
go with the strange colour yellow and
every other colour, we served Mcdonalds happy meals at our wedding that was
held at a small rooftop venue in the city and ate Lamingtons (ystervarkies) for
desert with 40 guests.
Why on earth would you do that? As wedding photographers we
get to see weddings every week. I hear a
lot of the couples say they wish they could have a smaller wedding without any
stress in the same breath, “but it is a
wedding”, you have to go all out or
people are not going to enjoy it. Or “the wedding was a massive success, all
the people loved it”
And when I hear all these stories it just comes to my
attention that we are so hungry for approval. We will go to the lengths and pay
money to have the “stamp of approval” wedding.
You know what is my most favourite moment of a wedding? beside seeing
the groom’s face when he sees his beautiful bride for the first time? Straight
after the couple had their stylish choreographed dance and everyone gets to
join, they are still dancing looking in each others eyes and laughing their
bellies out and kissing the whole dance through. You know what I LOVE about
that specific moment? They are in a little love bubble just being themselves
and do not care about the eyes on them. I get goose bumps everytime I get to capture
that.
So let me tell you a little bit of “Swartkat & Meisiekind’s”
love story so that you can understand us a little bit more. Me and my long
haired husband met at school. I cannot
remember what our first words to each other was, I cannot remember if we had
the same classes. But what I do remember is what I wrote in my silly teenage
journal one night in 2004 “I think I like Carel Nel, when I look into his eyes
there is just something I see that I haven’t seen in someone else’s eyes” haha
extremely deep words for a 16 year old girl. I will get to why I
wrote that later…
We were each other’s matric farewell dates, did not date and
did not have any intentions to date haha After school I would sometimes get
Facebook messages from Carel. “Hallo Princess” was one message and I was
totally annoyed and did not even reply. See I am a bit of a feminist. One time he asked for my number because he
lost mine. I do not think he had mine in the first place haha
In 2009 I got invited to a school friend’s 21st
party. The theme was “Back to school”, ironically. I saw Carel there and we kind off hit it off
on the dance floor. Making silly jokes and
just being totally stupid. He came to stand next to me at the desert table
asking me where the Lamingtons (ystervarkies) were, I had just put the last one
in my mouth and I opened my mouth showing him where the last one was (yes I
know I tend to be gross sometimes) and when I closed my mouth a little crumble
was left on my lip. Carel kissed it of my lip. It felt like 45 000 eagles had
entered my stomach and that moment kind off froze for 4 seconds. I fell in love. (That is why we had lamingtons for dessert,
very random first kiss)
We were together all the time. When he came to visit me he
would always write something silly on my mother’s fridge notepad. Like “Hallo Auntie
Alta, I really like your daughter”. He asked me one day if he must ask me out
or something because he thinks we are already in a relationship haha so he
wrote on the fridge note pad “ Will you be my girlfriend”. From the beginning I could just be myself
with him. Carel told me that is why he liked me so much because I am who I
am. It was definitely something special
in our relationship. That we can be ourselves all the time and loved all each
other’s weird quirks. We loved going on roadtrips and exploring new places. Especially
in the city. We love to be different together and being creative all the time.
Carel will say I am his biggest inspiration but he is definitely mine. He is
the most creative person in the universe.
While I am writing this I realise how much our relationship
has grew, just like Carel’s hair haha from the beginning we had a solid
foundation of love, faith, humour and kindness. Day 2 of our relationship he
walked me home after I visited him and in front of my mother’s front door, on
the second step, he told me “I am not in love with you anymore…I already love
you”. I have to admit, the 45 000 eagles
flew and went to go sit straight on my vocal chords for I did not know what to
say. It was all waaaay so quick for a feminist “girl power” type of girl.
Yes everything was not a fairytale. We had our ups and downs
and things that were suppose to tear us apart just brought as closer. He had my
heart that moment I looked in his eyes in 2004, without even knowing it and to
have my heart’s home was the most satisfying feeling in the world. I realized
that “something in his eyes” I felt was the way he looked at me. He looks at me through God’s eyes and never
has anyone looked at me like that. He showed me the meaning of unconditional
love, even if it might seem like such a cliché thing to say.
So on the 24 November 2011 Carel called me at 3:00 the
morning “Quickly come outside, there is a lot of stars in the garden”. Firstly
3:00 in the morning is not my favourite time of day. I read the other day “ I
do not believe in ghosts but at 3:00 it is a different story” haha so when I
looked out my window our garden lit up with strings of fairy lights. Standing in front of our front door on the
second step he said “I do not want to be in a relationship with you anymore but
in a marriage” and he put my grandmother’s ring on my finger with a Mccdonalds
happy meal next to it, because I REALLY LOVE Mcdonalds way to much. “You make
me happy”. He said. The next day a huge storm hit Pretoria and after the storm the
most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen coloured the sky. I found my pot of
gold. (My entrance song at our wedding was the beautiful ukulele cover Over the
Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole)
A lot of questions besides the big one popped in my head.
Are we ready for this big step? Carel was not even half way through his studies
and I was just starting my Photography business. So then we kind off kept
postponing the wedding. My friend said “People sometimes organise there wedding
more than they organise their marriage”. And it stuck in my head. While we kept postponing I realized God had
other plans. He was helping us build a stronger foundation. More than the one
we already had. Fear always crept into my
heart. Although I never doubt that my Carel is my soulmate, never. I have never
in my life met someone so sincere and loving as Carel.
I doubted myself and
tried to find faults in him and myself and reasons why we must wait. We could
also not think of any ideas regarding our future wedding. Everything just felt
way to normal for us. If you are scared you will find any excuse in the world.
Then a terrible armed mugging incident happened to me while
I photographed a family. They stole my
equipment and my engagement ring and it felt like the devil was just pouring
all his awful fear in my soul. I was so scared of everything. I went to talk to
a trauma counselor and she said I am going to get flashbacks of colours and smells
of the incident. And it was true, when I
closed my eyes at night I would see the 3 armed men and the colour yellow, for
one of them had a yellow t-shirt on. So she prayed that yellow must get a
faithful twist for me and that it must remind me of something good. I was skeptical,
I must say. When I walked out her office
a car drove by with one of the yellow triangular signs that usually reads “Baby
on board”, but this one said “God is on board”.
Yellow immediately crept into my heart. And that is why yellow made such
an impact on my life. That is why we decided with the colour yellow for our
wedding.
God was on board all the time.
With my engagement ring stolen I also realized that a
wedding is made up of a lot of materialistic earthly things. Take the diamond
ring for example. There are a lot of girls who believe how bigger the ring, how
bigger his love for you. Someone actually told me that is what she believes and
she will not be happy if she gets a small diamond. I then started to wear my cheapy promise ring Carel
gave me on our first anniversary with the words “You and I” engraved on the
heart. People’s reaction to it were negative, “But he is supposed to buy you a new diamond, this is not an
engagement ring”. I never really even
wanted a diamond but a ruby and then Carel bought me the most beautiful ruby
ring at one of my favourite antique jewelry shops. I am totally in love with my ring. And still someone asked if Carel is saving up
for a diamond because it is necessary to wear one.
Through 3 years of our engagement journey we came to terms
with what a wedding meant to us. It is about 2 people taking a massive leap of
faith in each other, declaring their love in front of loved ones and in front
of God. a Wedding is a celebration of your love’s journey. It is about what you
both love and what you both enjoy in life.
It is about what makes you different. It is about doing what the hell
you want because for one day it is about YOU.
It is not about what your family and friends want. It is YOUR special day. At the end of the day you must go to bed (or
not haha) and not be drained with the thought “thank goodness all the stress is
over”, you must be on cloud number 9 because you get to go to sleep next to the person
who’s heart is the same as yours.
If you are not ready, wait. I see a lot of brides trying to
focus more on all the pretty details while they are actually stressed about the
fact that they are getting married. Then they turn in to annoying bridezilla’s
who freaks out about every silly thing. While planning your wedding also focus on your relationship and get rid of all your unnecessary baggage. Being married will not let it disappear, there are more cupboards in your house when you get married. Don't let your "baggage" take all the space.
There is nothing wrong with dreaming about your wedding day
since you were a little girl, it was just not me. I have always been dreaming
about who is going to wait for me down the aisle. I always dreamed about a
“marriage more beautiful than my wedding”.
We decided to get married on the 1st September,
for it is spring day and we are flower child hippies at heart :) We decided on a Monday because off my “Nomorebluemondays blog”. We
decided on the rooftop high in the air for it was HIGH time we tied the knot and
we love the city. We served MCD because it was part of our engagement and to
show people that it really is okay to break tradition. Our wedding gifts
were polaroid pictures with our guests and a roadtrip cd of all the songs we
love. Carel bought his suite at a second hand shop in Naboomspruit for R20. He bought his shirt at Ben Sherman and I bought his bow tie at the Houtbay market. He wore his favourite "Vellies". I bought my dress at Birdal wardrobe, changed it quite a bit with yellow buttons and the sleeves. I absolutely love "tan" coloured belts so I had to wear one. I bought my boots at "Call it spring", ironically for our spring day wedding. I forgot to buy earrings and on the morning of the wedding I quickly bought little lazer cut heart earrings at an artsy shop nearby my place.
We did not want to impress people with our wedding but inspire people to
be themselves in every way. I believe
that if people can just decide to be themselves this world will start to get
more beautiful.
It was a special day. 2 things me and Carel usually do when we spend time together are laughing and happy crying haha and it was exactly what we did on our yellow Monday wedding. Remember I told you about my favourite moment when capturing
a wedding? On our wedding day it felt like God gave me all those goose bump
moments the whole day through. And when
I starred at all the yellowness around us and all the special people in our
lives, I clutched my amazing husband’s hand knowing I do not need to fear anything
for God is always onboard.
Our little hippie wedding band. The 4 cuties on my right are my brother's kids and the little princess on my left is Carel's little cousin. We dressed them in a way me and Carel like to dress.
Our rings were in an old camera..kind of an obvious choice for us haha
